“What does it mean to be grounded?”
I have asked myself many times in the past couple of years.
As someone who has been stubborn and persistent about being financially self-sufficient since age 18, it’s evident that I have sought a sense of security in having a physical, stable home to call my own. The spaces I’ve held have been thoroughly adorned with items that I find sacred, filled with up-to-date appliances, and often housed an abundance of healthful, mindful foods… & wasn’t lacking in the department of spirits, either
Yet, I always felt there was a certain disconnect. For the better part of 5 years, I was living a life that looked beautiful on the outside. Logically, I could easily reason that I was doing great for my age! Yet my hands were tied. Leases, juice detoxes, vet bills, compulsive cleaning, Etsy listings for days. I was in a box that was locked inside of a cage. This is no space for a Mage!
This may work perfectly for some. But I’ve come to realize that I was living a lie. I felt a whisper inside.
Am I doing this right?
I chose work over play. each. and. every. day. Admittedly, I even approached my creative expressions in such a linear way that it was often a chore. a bore. Is this really what I became an artist for?
I’ve worked dead-end jobs. It usually felt like a carrot was being dangled in front of me. Many of them wore a face of being “conscious”, even “spiritual”, causing me to give more of myself in hopes that this was my soul’s purpose! Friends and family assumed I felt fulfilled, though I rarely saw them. Working long, energetically draining hours at places that thrived off of me not yet stepping into my personal power. Working through festivals I wanted to go to, and even had the money for. Allowing myself to be shackled by the ever-changing demands of space-time. Our work is never over. Or is it?
When I got fired in May from a job I cared about more than ever before, I felt so ungrounded. It was so sudden and untimely. I had just rescued an abandoned kitten with dislocated hips who was literally dragging his back legs around (he was feeling ungrounded, too). My big, beautiful home in college park became a daunting commitment. My roommate had just stolen $400 out of my cash box from my art setup, on my birthday weekend at that. It felt like all of my hard work had betrayed me. My emotional and mental stamina deteriorated, and I responded by neglecting my physical health. I fell into a cycle of ignoring the sensitive state of the plantar fasciitis I had acquired almost exactly a year before (I tore both plantar muscles as well as the insertion to my left achilles, causing me to be unable to walk on my 21st birthday). I built up a lot of painful scar tissue due to overzealousness about getting back on my feet in a timely manner. In fact, I never even took a day off of work!
In so many ways, I was hurting. I felt I had exerted so much time and energy towards creating a stable foundation for myself.
So where did I go wrong? Why do I feel like the rug keeps getting pulled from beneath me?
It’s been my typical nature to fluctuate between extremes, but this time, I chose to fully embrace duality. I assessed this mess. In the midst of distress, I danced with my demons. Instead of falling into a frenzy of fluffed up resumes and immersing myself into interviews, I revisited my creative visions and reevaluated what it meant for me to be an artist. I went back to square one, this time invoking my most meticulous magick, giving utmost attention to each and every detail. I had already been researching orgonite for aeons, brooding over which resin would be the most efficient, the metaphysical nature of different types of metals, what the piezoelectric effect is and whether or not it is truly cleansing on an energetic level. I was in an early stage of envisioning some of my current projects, such as the Psychic Self Defense Series and the Dark Side Series, yet I had allowed inhibition to overcome intuition. Out of fear of imperfection, I simply did not want to begin. But then…
I delved within. I did the work that I knew my soul needed to do. I cast my anxiety aside, and I casted resin instead.
I trusted that working on my soul’s mission would lead me where I needed to go. I allowed my job title to take the back burner. After all, I ultimately aim to independently run a successful home business. Energy flows where attention goes. I decided that I would direct all of the exertion of ambition that I used to pour into building my “job”, and pour it into my “career” (resin pun, anyone?). What’s the worst that could happen? What did I have to lose? I firmly asserted that I refused to lose any more years to making the dreams of others come true, no matter how passionate I feel about their project. I trust that they will attract the help that they require, when they need it the most, from someone who will mutually benefit. I trust that I will be of more assistance to others when I’m already empowered and successful within my own realm, instead of spreading myself so thin that I only had the bare minimum to give.
Faster than the speed of light, my artwork flourished. Though it took blood, sweat, tears, and countless hours of research and dirty work, it felt effortless because I was so excited to finally bring this transition to fruition. My friends, family, & clients finally started to see the value in my work to the extent of my intention. What may look like a simple piece of jewelry, to me, is also an intuitive amulet and a personal crystal ally that one may consult for guidance and support. My creations are made individually and specifically to fit energetic purposes, and for the first time in my practice, I felt like this truly went without saying. I am so grateful for the loving receptivity that our conscious community provides.
For the first time in my life, I felt alive.
The more I shook things up, the quicker old constructs would naturally crumble. Meaningful friendships worked their way into my life despite my complete immersion into being a hermit. This was meant to be, for certain! My crystal creations visibly reflected the radiance of these changes. Reiki wiggled it’s way back into my auric field. Poetry began to flow through my bones. My voice grew stronger, in speech and in song. Though I’ve always been a reserved bundle of nerves, I found the strength to take a chance with romance. Fulfillment, at a glance! I can’t control the weather, but I can choose to indulge in this cosmic dance. Now I’m submerged in this stance.
So, back to where we stand — what is groundedness?
Abundance? Nurturance? Manifestation of your dreams? Connectedness with nature? Expression from the core? Having the nourishment to soar? Unity of the physical and metaphysical? Feeding the hunger of your body, mind, & soul? Detecting where you feel a hole — & then filling it with gold…
Security? Surety? Fraternity?
If I gave this story a conclusion, it would just be an illusion.
There’s precision to this answer — but only you can choose it!