scorpion sting

an open page for a closed mage
closeted tactics define these enactments
i react in a close range, i’m stone age
morals? and fact?! ill give gratitude to your back
if i crack, will you sustain? i’m enraged, this pain pays
when i relay the equilibrium, its equally unforgivable
unequivocal, this rhythm hums divine sums
we must realign sometime, hun…

but until then, we’re still, when?
i’m stirred & unsure, friend

windows & keys haunting me
you taunt & flaunt my lucidity
suspicious, sorely ambitious
manipulation, malicious, mean
justified mystified trips
fighting for Freudian slips
sexy songs of the Siren; shifts
i thought we worked harder than this

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Larimar

when a Buddhist has baggage
he grasps at non-attachment
intimate irreverent inspecting,
proud of your power, projecting…

yet you still speak the unspoken
like you’re longing to be broken
just lusting & clutching
towards talking & touching

am i stuck in your nothing,
amidst bliss & enrichment?
is this a game or a scrimmage?
what in the Is is this? how have i enlisted?

you can see i’m no flower, i’m far too empowered
unafraid to wage war to manifest more
this test suggests to swim within unrest at best
to take the stake; honor fa(e)te in all that i make

in mention of tensions, intentions
activation avoids apprehension
i’m simply dismissing the twisting
of the poles that are suddenly shifting

philosophical no-where
pathological know-how
rationalization of rhetoric
pathetically empathetic

though you may not believe me,
i see your scheme keenly,
because psychosomatic havoc
is this mystic masochist’s habit

sexual connections & auric magnetism

in a society where the divine masculine and feminine seem to often be diluted at best, and entirely insulted at worst, dating and romance culture has become a complete dis-aster. many have come to seek and pursue a greater feeling of comfort and completion through emotional immersion into the energy field of a lover. similar values and visions simultaneously simmer amongst dissimilar approaches and responses towards stimuli. “i would have never thought of it that way” – a phrase that often constitutes growth and elicits gratitude for mental fortitude and empathetic understanding in countless circumstances. however, taking the power from your own subjective experience and attributing it to any one person could also be distracting and detrimental when it comes to assimilation and individuation. imbalances and idiosyncrasies become the forefront of what partners identify themselves as, and ultimately accept as their own. many tendencies, beliefs, and habits take root in their present position and grow more powerfully than ever before. these misdirected Pranic behaviors seem energetically supported, as they create, on the surface, a sense of order from chaos. but does it really suit us to submit wholeheartedly to our current state of be-ing? is there a way to healthfully embrace such contrast? can partners grow continuously while still maintaining a distinct sense of self? are there other ways to deeply explore duality? caution: we are now exiting what will be shown to be your comfort zone.

have you ever known someone, who you…..crave? …if only for a time? they don’t have to say or do anything. it gives you a warm and fuzzy feeling just knowing that you are holding space with them. their actions leave impressions; they could melt you with a look, and their emotional responses become an extension of your own.

those of you who are empathic may even experience these types of relationships with uncanny levels of synchronicity. you may feel what they are feeling despite being physically distant and even blatantly unaware of the specificity of their current circumstances. you may unconsciously drain or boost one another’s amount of electromagnetic energy. you could give each other butterflies one day, whereas the next day you could literally make each other sick! those of you who are into metaphysics may already be familiar with the concept of etheric cords, which allow us to easily entangle energy fields with anyone whom we love and care about. essentially, what fuels this auric opening is the power of thought and emotion; the more often you think about someone, the more energy you are directing at them. quantum physics has shown us how powerful of an effect thoughts can have on water, which easily translates to us, as it accounts for a majority of our composition. when two people are willing to commit to sharing their lives together, there becomes an etheric 2-way street for chi to effortlessly and freely pass through. and when you find someone whose imbalances are complementary to your own, your auric fields radiate a sensation of wholeness. duality becomes unity. from the perspective of someone who is rather empathic, this illusion of one complete being can feel absolutely euphoric.  i have been so fascinated and tickled by these types of interactions that i felt i simply had to explore.

we’ve all heard the age-old sayings that assert that the encounters with others that make us feel uncomfortable are actually a manifestation of criticism and/or suppression that has pre-existed within ourselves (and often is directed specifically at ourselves). despite the rampant levels of intolerance in today’s world, many would still agree that we are our own worst critics, even our own worst enemies. it’s as if we are not secure enough to accept the positions of those who exhibit traits that are similar to ours. perhaps we haven’t even allowed enough room in our lives for introspection to be conscious of our expression and/or suppression of certain traits; they strike a neurological nerve in our higher thought processes, hence we sense an underlying conflict. it then leads to a feeling of discomfort. in a country full of colorful souls and varied experiences, we still are not complete strangers to egoic encounters where we feel that “there ain’t room in this town for the two of us!”. are you even aware of why you don’t want certain people to breathe your air?

in psychological studies of siblings, we have come to realize that despite being raised in such comparable circumstances, it is rare that brothers and sisters actually exhibit similar traits and interests. instead of reveling in physical abundance and emotional companionship, it is not uncommon for them to groan at the thought of sharing, or hand-me-downs, and in some cases just spending time together. to overgeneralize for the sake of obvious example, if the first born is characterized by being the “brain” of the family, the second born might instead be the “brawn”, and the third may find a path that is quite different from either, like being “artistic”. it naturally feels more fulfilling to have an identity of your own. through contrast, we can more easily invent ourselves. it is exciting, and when taken at face value, seems more stimulating.

in the past i have caught myself thinking that the best of lovers are often fundamentally different people. after all, you wouldn’t have much to learn from someone who is just like you…. right? it always struck me as boring, futile, even a bit self-righteous if hastily done. wouldn’t you constantly validate each other, perhaps inhibit some mind-blowing revelations? is that worthy of so much time and focus? on both subconscious and physical levels, we reject the possibility entirely. for the evolution of the species, it is best to have a greater variance in genetic traits, which explains pretty easily why pheromones almost always lead us to be attracted to those who are rather different than us in the spectrum of DNA. its common knowledge that procreation within the same family causes a greater predisposition to genetic dis-order. its as if nature encourages us to improve the body, mind, and soul of our species all at once through embracing and assimilating opposing forces. the highest path should hopefully present itself naturally.

we could compare the electromagnetic effects of our auric interactions to those of magnets — if you try to stick two positives together, they will repel each other. but why? well, it’s obviously not personal. it is because they are both emitting an electromagnetic current that flows in the same direction. it is not only uncomfortable, but literally impossible to make them work against the direction that they have in common. therefore they do not balance one another — instead, their qualities seem amplified. despite their clash, they must maintain their innate characteristics. it strikes me as a bit counter-intuitive that although they exhibit the same essence, two positives appear to reject one another, making the collision of energies very distinctive. however, place a negative and a positive magnet near one another and they will be sucked into each other’s energy fields faster than you can intricately observe. Alas, balance! all living things seem to be in constant pursuit of homeostasis.

but, in a world where we have been living unsustainably for quite some time, should finding the most suitable life partner really be our focus? it seems so whimsical in a world that’s waning in safety. amidst overpopulation, pollution, war, genetically mutated food, there is a balance that our planet must maintain in order to be able to even realistically sustain new life. but how can we manifest this when we are satiating the lower needs of imbalance, intertwining our lives with those who accept our every flaw and shortcoming? has our species really reached a state where procreation is more of a hindrance to our future generations than any tangible insurance of survival? admittedly, it is not easy to accept the responsibility that comes with human life at this day in age. we must be firm in our convictions, stare urgency in the face, and contribute what we can to building up a new world. we are being challenged to delve into the implementation of new systems, awakened expectations, and more purposeful priorities.

perhaps this day in age is asking us to awaken to our highest manifestation of our individuality. maybe this intention can be invoked with ease and grace at a more powerful pace as we embrace solitary solidarity, and help one another work towards integration of the divine masculine and feminine within ourselves with strength and stamina.

the delicate state of our modern world can only be transformed if we want it to be, and yet we are not going to enjoy doing our humanitarian “homework” until we awaken to our most distinctive individual purposes. once we have practiced introspection enough to find balance and meaning within ourselves and our personal lives, we are more available to lend feelings and focus outwards, which naturally will allow us to be more receptive to sensing and understanding what the modern world needs from us. when one is able to stand on their own two feet comfortably, they may consciously begin to exert energy towards achieving their highest personal vibration. if we can learn to direct the forces of Kundalini upwards with or without sexual interaction, we can harness its power and channel it into its most efficient purpose. 

is there a common confusion between fusion and illusion? im aware that perhaps im projecting onto it. but it seems it would behoove us to shake up stagnation and awaken to what we naturally bring to the table. this can be done in infinite ways – but ultimately its crucial to seek and aim to maintain a state of happiness, fulfillment, wholeness. 

only you can determine whether you feel you are facing growth or limitations. only you will set the boundaries of what you are ready to explore, or ignore.

may these insights ignite your morale for this fight to honor the light.

the toad’s abode

if i could harness all my fears
& drink this cup of rain and tears
i doubt it’d douse what you have seared

i feed my dreams and lethargy
you exhaust me with ecstasy
plant seeds that ease what stresses me…

deep down i long for my sin of conquer
though god knows how this goes; we will wander
am i stronger than the urge to belong & monger?

this catch 22 intertwines me & you
oh, it thrives, as it strives on our lives
& contrives to deny any lies in your eyes

you can taint me with constraint
you can haunt me if you want
in my haughty head i’ll flaunt

i thirst for wine, curse the divine
for, in this test, i’m second best
yet first in line to get aligned

who took away my perfect day?
i lurk. i pray. i look away.
reflect my will to play. to stay!

it hurts so good, it feels so right
your day, its shine entwined my night
a cosmic dance? a karmic fight?

still mulling over the mundane
there’s substance but it won’t sustain.
my dark domain, it’s reigns remain

my work does not align with shirk
i wont confuse my muse with murk
my lips reveal a haunting smirk

a witches brew will get me through
i sweat, i steam, i swear, i stew
what’s best for me? what’s best for you?

i know what i’m supposed to do.

a test of jest

flowing with unknowing
teeming with unseaming
stepping without seeing
where reason is uneasy

the fool feels like he’s floating
as the fall dissolves, all deepens

i accept it’s many lessons
i’m serenaded & sedated, marinating
in self manifested stressors
there are punctures paired with pressures

i’m impressed with the extent of their impressions
I evolve and then resolve to revolve in a direction

crying out, drying out, new neurological connections
blessed yet stressed when the answer precedes the question
apprehension to the the tensions i mend but do not mention,
in retrospect of ego death I find sublime in resurrection

have you eaten your rice today?

“What does it mean to be grounded?”

I have asked myself many times in the past couple of years.

As someone who has been stubborn and persistent about being financially self-sufficient since age 18, it’s evident that I have sought a sense of security in having a physical, stable home to call my own. The spaces I’ve held have been thoroughly adorned with items that I find sacred, filled with up-to-date appliances, and often housed an abundance of healthful, mindful foods… & wasn’t lacking in the department of spirits, either

Yet, I always felt there was a certain disconnect. For the better part of 5 years, I was living a life that looked beautiful on the outside. Logically, I could easily reason that I was doing great for my age! Yet my hands were tied. Leases, juice detoxes, vet bills, compulsive cleaning, Etsy listings for days. I was in a box that was locked inside of a cage. This is no space for a Mage!

This may work perfectly for some. But I’ve come to realize that I was living a lie. I felt a whisper inside. Am I doing this right?

I chose work over play. each. and. every. day. Admittedly, I even approached my creative expressions in such a linear way that it was often a chore. a bore. Is this really what I became an artist for?

I’ve worked dead-end jobs. It usually felt like a carrot was being dangled in front of me. Many of them wore a face of being “conscious”, even “spiritual”, causing me to give more of myself in hopes that this was my soul’s purpose! Friends and family assumed I felt fulfilled, though I rarely saw them. Working long, energetically draining hours at places that thrived off of me not yet stepping into my personal power. Working through festivals I wanted to go to, and even had the money for. Allowing myself to be shackled by the ever-changing demands of space-time. Our work is never over. Or is it?

When I got fired in May from a job I cared about more than ever before, I felt so ungrounded. It was so sudden and untimely. I had just rescued an abandoned kitten with dislocated hips who was literally dragging his back legs around (he was feeling ungrounded, too). My big, beautiful home in college park became a daunting commitment. My roommate had just stolen $400 out of my cash box from my art setup, on my birthday weekend at that. It felt like all of my hard work had betrayed me. My emotional and mental stamina deteriorated, and I responded by neglecting my physical health. I fell into a cycle of ignoring the sensitive state of the plantar fasciitis I had acquired almost exactly a year before (I tore both plantar muscles as well as the insertion to my left achilles, causing me to be unable to walk on my 21st birthday). I built up a lot of painful scar tissue due to overzealousness about getting back on my feet in a timely manner. In fact, I never even took a day off of work!

In so many ways, I was hurting. I felt I had exerted so much time and energy towards creating a stable foundation for myself.

So where did I go wrong? Why do I feel like the rug keeps getting pulled from beneath me?

It’s been my typical nature to fluctuate between extremes, but this time, I chose to fully embrace duality. I assessed this mess. In the midst of distress, I danced with my demons. Instead of falling into a frenzy of fluffed up resumes and immersing myself into interviews, I revisited my creative visions and reevaluated what it meant for me to be an artist. I went back to square one, this time invoking my most meticulous magick, giving utmost attention to each and every detail. I had already been researching orgonite for aeons, brooding over which resin would be the most efficient, the metaphysical nature of different types of metals, what the piezoelectric effect is and whether or not it is truly cleansing on an energetic level. I was in an early stage of envisioning some of my current projects, such as the Psychic Self Defense Series and the Dark Side Series, yet I had allowed inhibition to overcome intuition. Out of fear of imperfection, I simply did not want to begin. But then…

I delved within. I did the work that I knew my soul needed to do. I cast my anxiety aside, and I casted resin instead.

I trusted that working on my soul’s mission would lead me where I needed to go. I allowed my job title to take the back burner. After all, I ultimately aim to independently run a successful home business. Energy flows where attention goes. I decided that I would direct all of the exertion of ambition that I used to pour into building my “job”, and pour it into my “career” (resin pun, anyone?). What’s the worst that could happen? What did I have to lose? I firmly asserted that I refused to lose any more years to making the dreams of others come true, no matter how passionate I feel about their project. I trust that they will attract the help that they require, when they need it the most, from someone who will mutually benefit. I trust that I will be of more assistance to others when I’m already empowered and successful within my own realm, instead of spreading myself so thin that I only had the bare minimum to give.

Faster than the speed of light, my artwork flourished. Though it took blood, sweat, tears, and countless hours of research and dirty work, it felt effortless because I was so excited to finally bring this transition to fruition. My friends, family, & clients finally started to see the value in my work to the extent of my intention. What may look like a simple piece of jewelry, to me, is also an intuitive amulet and a personal crystal ally that one may consult for guidance and support. My creations are made individually and specifically to fit energetic purposes, and for the first time in my practice, I felt like this truly went without saying. I am so grateful for the loving receptivity that our conscious community provides.

For the first time in my life, I felt alive.

The more I shook things up, the quicker old constructs would naturally crumble. Meaningful friendships worked their way into my life despite my complete immersion into being a hermit. This was meant to be, for certain! My crystal creations visibly reflected the radiance of these changes. Reiki wiggled it’s way back into my auric field. Poetry began to flow through my bones. My voice grew stronger, in speech and in song. Though I’ve always been a reserved bundle of nerves, I found the strength to take a chance with romance. Fulfillment, at a glance! I can’t control the weather, but I can choose to indulge in this cosmic dance. Now I’m submerged in this stance.

So, back to where we stand — what is groundedness?

Abundance? Nurturance? Manifestation of your dreams? Connectedness with nature? Expression from the core? Having the nourishment to soar? Unity of the physical and metaphysical? Feeding the hunger of your body, mind, & soul? Detecting where you feel a hole — & then filling it with gold…

Security? Surety? Fraternity?

If I gave this story a conclusion, it would just be an illusion.

There’s precision to this answer — but only you can choose it!